Speed Impeaching

Date in haste, repent at leisure. Or, live by the speed impeachment, die by the speed impeachment. Like a sleazy speed-dating event, the Democrats’ mad-dash impeachment has been a cattle call of bad ideas — with Mr. Lonelyhearts in Congress longing to find the perfect match. Someone to call Article One! And a backup Article Two on the side.

Beaming over the hookup tryouts has presided the Madam — Madam Speaker, that is — just happy to procure.

The hardest part of Nancy Pelosi’s job is hiding her glee. “It’s a sad day actually, a solemn day,” Pelosi intoned on December 10 at the “Women Rule Summit” in Washington, D.C. “It’s something that no one comes to Congress to do, to impeach a President.” Oh, riiiight. No one except every Democrat, when the President is Donald Trump.

Pelosi pretends to be heartbroken and sober — I mean somber — making the impeachment connection happen with a heavy heart, whoo-hoo! “Our tone must be prayerful, respectful, solemn, worthy of the Constitution.” Well, that last part went out the window on Day One.

Oh, and it’s not about elections, she smirks. It’s about the sacred Constitutional oath, which she and her minions are sworn to offend. Um, defend. “This isn’t about politics,” she adds. “This is not about Democrats or Republicans … This is about patriotism.”

Of course it’s about patriotism! And all the other words Democrats poll-tested and focus-grouped. Like “bribery” and “extortion” — which lost out in the end to the dazzling beauties, “abuse of power” and “obstruction.”

But don’t you dare accuse Democrats of rushing the impeachment wooing process. “Speed? It’s been going on 22 months — two and a half years, actually,” snapped Pelosi. “I think we are not moving with speed … It’s not about speed. It’s about urgency.”

Got that? Urgent. But not fast. Prayerful. But not in a church/state-mixing way.

These dweeb washouts are backstopped by Senate dweeb washouts like Crazy Bernie Sanders and Da Nang Dick Blumenthal waiting their turn to belly up to the impeachment bar (while Chuck Schumer gives an interview under the table). But they’re not going to get a chance to turn tricks; glowering justice is coming for them.

They’re all going to get dumped at the altar. There’s going to be no wedding night, no bliss, no happy ending. These miscreants all deserve each other, they deserve what’s coming to them, and the American people are going to give it to them, good and hard.